You were still warm, but your heart was no longer beating. I was longing to make you hear my gratitude for the life you gave me. I stood there, staring at you, thinking how beautiful you looked, even in dying bed. You could have been everyone's star, but you were mine.
Competition is the poison we drink whilst toasting to our health. So I play a dark game. I starve my neighbour. I become a black hole of mediocrity so he levels up to nothing. I save my best for the ones who deserve it. The rest get the silence. I am accelerating our extinction by refusing to play.
You are a collection of impeccable, elaborate masks, in orbit of a stunted heart; it rattles inside your chest like a dried pea in an empty tin can. I knock on your ribs and nobody answers; it is just a hollow room with the lights left on to trick the neighbours.
There I am, bloody determined to join the enlightened masses, downloading this meditation app like some convert at the altar of digital wellness. Pastel animations of serene bastards floating through manufactured tranquility. Yes, I'm gonna be a guru!
Embrace the monster I've become at this altitude, where oxygen deprivation meets social claustrophobia and creates something beautiful and terrible and completely unhinged. Monster.
Real change is not a morning routine or a mindset hack, it is controlled demolition. Self-shock is the choice to destroy the parts that keep you safe and small, so a truer self can form. Do not wait for crisis, become the author of your own rupture and rebirth.